Absolutely can’t stand Valentine’s Day. All that rose-tinted, saccharine-enwrapped consumerist shit. That’s not love, that’s nothing more than guilt-inducing profit-mongering.
But l do like love. Course I do, who doesn’t love love? Whether it’s the heart-racing, face-flushing, endorphin-boosting, whole-body-engulfing tsunami of new love, or the joy of seeing the long term object of your affections walking in the through the door at the end of the working day, what’s not to like about love?
Love is indeed a many splendored thing for those lucky enough to have been wrapped in its ecstatic embrace, but for some, love ain’t no bed of roses. It can be an alien emotion – messy, confusing, complicated and downright hateful – particularly when one party withdraws it from another. Despite the omnipresence of sentimental loveheart-adorned cards, limp bouquets and overwrought roses-are-red promises at this time of year, love is also an emotion which isn’t necessarily straightforward to give, receive or even feel.
To those brought up in the warmth of its steady glow, count yourselves lucky. Very lucky indeed. If you’ve been the recipient of deep love and affection in childhood, chances are that you’ve already got a good, solid foundation for life. But when you don’t have much love in your formative years, its absence can seriously stunt your emotional growth. Indeed, lack of love can play havoc with your sense of self worth, and if you’ve not had much (or any) of the warm fuzzy stuff, how the hell are you supposed to know how to accept or offer it?
Sadly, I know some of this stuff from personal experience. I know EXACTLY what it feels like to be unloved. And believe me, it’s not pretty. The feelings which can arise as a result are far from sweetness and light, they can be hate-drenched and ugly. In my case, the absence of love led to a desperation to be adored, and that, in turn, led to reckless and self-destructive behaviour. Thankfully, I managed to find a way out of that mess, but many don’t. An unloved existence rarely ends well.
I don’t need your pity, god no. I feel fortunate. Not about the lack of love in my young life, that will always cause sorrow. But lucky that I have somehow managed to emerge more or less sane, that I’ve lived long enough to feel love, and offer it back – truly, madly and deeply.
So spare me your pity, but I beg you, please take a moment. A moment to think about WHY someone might be angry, acting out, afraid to trust, or pushing your love away. That someone might be self-loathing, self-destructing or ridden with pain from the past. It’s heartbreaking to say it, but those people are all around us. In my grown up life I’ve ended up working with many who have been profoundly unloved, or horribly hurt by the very people who were supposed to love and care for them.
So please, be kind, be patient, be loving.
Look closely… Spotted on Valentine’s Day 2026.
Photo © Mairi Damer
What’s love got to do with it?
Absolutely can’t stand Valentine’s Day. All that rose-tinted, saccharine-enwrapped consumerist shit. That’s not love, that’s nothing more than guilt-inducing profit-mongering.
But l do like love. Course I do, who doesn’t love love? Whether it’s the heart-racing, face-flushing, endorphin-boosting, whole-body-engulfing tsunami of new love, or the joy of seeing the long term object of your affections walking in the through the door at the end of the working day, what’s not to like about love?
Love is indeed a many splendored thing for those lucky enough to have been wrapped in its ecstatic embrace, but for some, love ain’t no bed of roses. It can be an alien emotion – messy, confusing, complicated and downright hateful – particularly when one party withdraws it from another. Despite the omnipresence of sentimental loveheart-adorned cards, limp bouquets and overwrought roses-are-red promises at this time of year, love is also an emotion which isn’t necessarily straightforward to give, receive or even feel.
To those brought up in the warmth of its steady glow, count yourselves lucky. Very lucky indeed. If you’ve been the recipient of deep love and affection in childhood, chances are that you’ve already got a good, solid foundation for life. But when you don’t have much love in your formative years, its absence can seriously stunt your emotional growth. Indeed, lack of love can play havoc with your sense of self worth, and if you’ve not had much (or any) of the warm fuzzy stuff, how the hell are you supposed to know how to accept or offer it?
Sadly, I know some of this stuff from personal experience. I know EXACTLY what it feels like to be unloved. And believe me, it’s not pretty. The feelings which can arise as a result are far from sweetness and light, they can be hate-drenched and ugly. In my case, the absence of love led to a desperation to be adored, and that, in turn, led to reckless and self-destructive behaviour. Thankfully, I managed to find a way out of that mess, but many don’t. An unloved existence rarely ends well.
I don’t need your pity, god no. I feel fortunate. Not about the lack of love in my young life, that will always cause sorrow. But lucky that I have somehow managed to emerge more or less sane, that I’ve lived long enough to feel love, and offer it back – truly, madly and deeply.
So spare me your pity, but I beg you, please take a moment. A moment to think about WHY someone might be angry, acting out, afraid to trust, or pushing your love away. That someone might be self-loathing, self-destructing or ridden with pain from the past. It’s heartbreaking to say it, but those people are all around us. In my grown up life I’ve ended up working with many who have been profoundly unloved, or horribly hurt by the very people who were supposed to love and care for them.
So please, be kind, be patient, be loving.
Look closely… Spotted on Valentine’s Day 2026.
Photo © Mairi Damer